Getting to where we are, Volume 3

Our time in Ghana bringing Sadie home was a whirlwind!  We did that trip extremely quick!  Looking back I am glad we got her home as quickly as we did, however, I think more time there would have made a better impression on me.

When we arrived in Ghana, Johnbull and Stacy (the Directors of City of Refuge) greeted us at the airport long with Ma Teresa and our precious Sadie.  Ma Teresa is the most amazing woman.  She is the one that cared for over a year for our Princess 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

What I remember most was this amazing woman...Sadie's "first mom" sitting next to me for nearly 2 hours in the car as we drove from the airport and I wanted to be so respectful to her and her last days with Sadie, that I didn't hold her or ask....but all my mind was saying was "GIVE ME MY BABY!!!"

We spent days with our new family at City of Refuge and were AMAZED at all the work that their ministry does!!  Please take time to go to www.cityofrefugeoutreach.com and learn more about them, their ministry and what you can do to help!

On our last day there, they gave a party for Princess, we gave Ma Teresa some gifts, had time of prayer and a tearful goodbye.  Heart breaking is the only words to say....

I will tell you that the first moments of holding our daughter in my arms was truly amazing.  I could not believe how small she was...so so small.  I remember looking at her hands and feet and thinking that they were the size of newborns.

I knew that we needed to get this baby girl home.  My biggest concern was when  I saw her eat.  She would spit out more than she would swallow and it would just take forever to feed her!  Nick and I thought that if we made her baby food pasty pasty thick, then maybe she would have an easier time swallowing...Something we would work on at home.

After we left City of Refuge, we stayed our final two nights with the McIntyre family.  They are just the sweetest missionaries from WAMM (West African Mercy Ministries) and run the HOMe (House Of Mercy) Orphanage there (more info. on that to come). 

Sadie's passport was misprinted, so on Tuesday our final day in Ghana....when we were suppose to be flying home...we spent the entire day at the Embassy waiting for her reprinted Passport.  What a challenging day!  We literally were there all day and I started crying at one point, because if we didn't get it soon, we would surely miss our flight out of Ghana that night.  We started making Plans B and C on what we were going to do if we get it at the last possible second or if we don't get it at all.  At this point I was exhausted, HOT, scared for my daughter, missing our other kids at home and just wanted to leave this country!  Nick had left with our driver to go back to the McIntyre's and get our luggage.  At this point, if we did get the passport (which was still not guaranteed) we would have to leave right from the Embassy to the airport.  FINALLY at 4:45 they called our names, passport was given and the race was ON!  Thankfully we made it...no shower, no time to clean up...if you have been to Ghana, you know exactly how nasty I felt boarding that plane and for the next 22 hours traveling home.  But how cares...I was going home...with our daughter!!

My first impressions of Ghana...HOT, dirty, disgusting, busy, crazy...I really had very little of anything positive to say about it.  When I came home, I had NO desire to return...ever....FOR SURE MORE ON THIS LATER!

Tomorrow;  Hydrocephalus, miracles, scary moments...God moments...

Getting to where we are, volume 2

So, we said YES!  Once we said that word...that little...but so HUGE word, we were bursting with excitement!

I hsould back track to our decision making time....when I was reviewing her information on the computer, Ryleigh was behind me.  She just couldn't understand why this was even something we were thinking about!  Why wouldn't we just say yes!??  I explained to her then that this baby could grow up and be a beautiful healthy child full of energy and life....or she may continue to grow old, but continue to stay a 6 month old forever.  Ryleigh....with a very serious thoughtful look on her face says to me "Well, she still needs a mom and dad".   Can't argue with the deep wisdom of a then 10 year old.

We initially made the decision to NOT tell people about her diagnosis of Hydrocephalus.  This was because we knew that some people would not understand at all our hearts and our faith.  We did not want anyone to label her or put her in a box...or really just give us there opinion...or google Hydrocephalus and tell us all the scary things that it comes with.  We already knew that.  We just wanted people to lover her as her. 

As time went by we started telling some people of her diagnosis, but we always remained very positive about it...we have one of the best children's hospitals in the US only 20 minutes from our home.  We have one of the best rehab facilities in the country also 20 minutes from our home.  We literally live miles from the Intermediate School where they also provide her with PT/OT and Speech.  We had everything to give this child the best opportunities to thrive literally at our finger tips.

Her special needs was not well recieved by all and quite frankly, some people offered their very strong opinions...One person (a christian medical professional...I will just say not my kids' doctor) told me that "she will be nothing but a burden to us.  She will amount to nothing.  It would be unfair for my children to adopt her. Nick and I would surely end up in financial ruin and divorce."  That was the one time that I surely felt the devil attack. 

Because of Sadie's health and where we were with having everything together, our POA went to court for us in August, making Princess Solomey, Sadie Mae Beute. Nick traveled to Ghana in September to file our I600 and we went in November to bring her home....Here are some pictures of our homecoming...

 

Come back tomorrow....I will share more about our time specifically in Ghana, first impressions and an abundance of miracles...

Getting to where we are today

I am excited that I made the choice to open this blog up not only to our friends and family, but also to lots of new friends recently and others.  I am hoping that the blog will offer support and encouragement to many.

I feel it is only fair (especially to newer readers) to share how we got to where we are today...more pertaining to our adoption of Sadie.

Grab some coffee and get cozy, I anticipate this being a long one! ;)

I will start with the fact.  We are blessed.  So undeserving...yet so blessed! 

I will start in late 2010.  We had our family...we have our beautiful daughter Ryleigh and two amazing sons, Kobe and Nathan. Ryleigh being our only biological child and the boys both adopted from South Korea.  The kids were all finally at the ages where we didn't have to adhere to any schedule for naps or worry so much about late nights.  We almost didn't have a need for a babysitter.  Life was great....life was EASY and we were very COMFORTABLE.

Ever since bringing Nathan home, though, I felt the urge and tug that we are not "finished".  Our family, to me, was not complete.  I was ready to jump right in to another adoption.  I guess that this where you can say that I am the gas pedal and Nick is the break.  He was not ready.  Not even close.

For YEARS I prayed for Nick and I to be on the same page with adopting again.  I could not understand why I felt so strongly, for my husband to feel so much the opposite.  I would dance around the subject occasionally just to "feel him out"...only to be shot down quickly and left very sad, disappointed and frustrated.  I had a "come to Jesus" meeting....with Him himself.  I prayed that if we were to adopt again, that it would be made clear and that it would come thru Nick. I begged God that if we were not meant to adopt, to take this feeling off my heart, as it would almost cause me physical pain at times.  But, if we were meant to adopt, to give me PEACE while I waited for His time to be perfect.

About 5 years later, the Lord spoke to both Nick and I and very clearly pointed us towards Ghana....and it came from Nick.

We were not prepared to adopt.  Not even close.  We were not financially prepared nor "room" in the house.  However, we new that if this was God's plan, that was not for us to worry about.  We put this entire process in God's hands.

We moved forward and were blessed each step of the way.  Our homestudy was complete and submitted to the orphanage director first part of May, 2011.  At that point, we truly expected to wait one full year until we received a referral.  However, days later, we had gotten an e-mail from the director, stating that although they did not have a child ready for referral, she was helping advocate for a child that they needed a family that had their homestudy complete and could move forward....quickly.

 We said that we would certainly be willing to look at her information and prayerfully consider it.  I contacted the appropriate person advocating for Princess Solomey (her name given to her in Ghana) and these were our very first pictures of our daughter.

 

We did our "research" on Hydrocephalus (her only diagnosis at that time).  We prayed and read lots of scripture.  But, when it came down to it.  We really felt like...how could we say from the start that we put this entire process in God's hands, but now when He is presenting a child to us, that He hand selected for us and this child was not quite what we were expecting...could we tell God that although we trusted Him, He just asked us to do too much.  That did not make sense to us.  Although this sweet and beautiful girl was NOT at all what we were "expecting" we took one look and knew in our hearts, this was our daughter.

 

To be Continued.......

 

Lots to be said this morning....

What you may or may not know that happens behind closed doors at the Beute house...

Having a child with special needs is the most rewarding opportunity I have ever been given.  Waking up each and every day to Sadie is waking up to a miracle...and that is no lie or exaggeration.  Every day that she does something new or even repeats something she learned the day before...is AMAZING.  We all have the opportunity to see God work and miracles everyday...some just have to look harder than others.  I am blessed to see it every day in Sadie. 

Having a child like Sadie means I have a snuggle buddy whenever I want one!  And I get LOTS of sunggle time in every day!

It also means lots of bending, lifting, carrying, holding, feeding.  As we approach cold and flu season, it means lots of "hibernating". 

Sadie was hit last week with her first cold and it hit her hard.  Sadie getting a cold is 100 times worse than the other kids.  She has a hard time handling her secreations (spit) and she doesn't swallow properly.  She will gag alot when she has a cold and even throw up pass her Nissen (the procedure she had almost a year ago that prevents her from having reflux and the ability to throw up).  All those combined can ultimately land her in the hospital and due to all of her "issues" could ultimately even take her life from us.  Sadly, also not a lie or exaggeration.

The past two weeks has been extremely difficult as I had a hysterectomy almost 2 weeks ago (everything is fine).  We were very thankful for the help and meals that were brought.  However, because of Sadie getting sick, it really thru a wrench into her care plans and I had to take over caring for her much earlier than what I should.  Lifting her, holding her, getting up/down from the floor took a physical toll on me and the healing process. 

This past Thursday I went in for my post-op follow up and was given a verbal reprimand by the doctor for "over doing it".  I just looked at the doctor and shook my head.  If she only could walk a day in my shoes and then tell me how she thought I should try "taking it easy".  I have a sick special needs child, who, ultimately could be in a life threatening situation if her illness is not treated properly (suctioning, positioning, etc) and tell me how I should just give that to someone else to take care of...???

After that appointment I went to get Sadie from school and after carrying her out of class and loading her into the car, as I was buckling her, I noticed that her feeding tube had been pulled out.  Not knowing how long this has been out, I was quite concerned as these can close up quickly...just meaning a trip to the ER.  All this and at the same time I am suppose to pick the boys up from school, prepare dinner for the inlaws to come over and get to Ryleigh's basketball game.  Get Sadie home and cannot get her replacement button (feeding tube) in.  UGH!  I call my neighbor (who is a pediatric nurse) and she came over (on the way to picking up her own kids....) and helps me pop this in.  Of course this caused Sadie discomfort and to cry out in pain and now I am crying because of all of it.  I had to call another good friend and inconvenience her to grab my boys.  Finish getting dinner ready and out the door to the basketball game.  For all those who saw my tears when I arrived...you now know why.  I felt completely incompetant to handle all of my responsibilities and the hardest thing for me to do is ask for help.

Friday I wake up and feel like I am tackling a new day. Sadie seems much healthier, I was ready and thankful to have a "do-over".  I had big plans to have lunch with a friend...that has been rescheduled too many times already and try to accomplish some much needed Christmas shopping....I know that this isn't "taking it easy", but it was going to be mentally/emotionally beneficial to me.  Got everyone up ready and out and as I pull out of the driveway I hear it...Sadie again puking...ALOT...ALL OVER.  Ok...cancel plans with friend, give Sadie a bath (which is not at all easy or comfortable with my current situation) dismantle carseat and wash from top to bottom, clean car.  Call friend to cry over my life...regain perspective and control.

The reality is; since being back from Ghana I have been inspired and motivated.  I feel God working in ways that only He can and I am excited and blessed!  I have started advocating for the Orphans...not just the Orphans...but the really special ones, like Sadie, that are so overlooked.  I feel it is a priviliage to be able to do this and just praying over the parents to find their children.  If you can add that on as a prayer request, I would love that.

Since being back from Ghana I am finding ways to get plugged in with City of Refuge and find ways to support them state side...another thing for you to add to your prayers.

Of course I am going to feel as if I am being kicked while being "down".  Does the devil not try his hardest to attack when we are posing the most danger to him?  All I will say is keep it coming!  You can try your hardest, but in case you didn't know...I have my armor on and ready for this battle.

Throughout all this past week I have endured, I still feel blessed beyond measure.  I love all my children more today than yesterday.  If I have to pick Sadie up 101 times today, I know that the Lord will give me the strength to do it.

My life certainly isn't pretty...but it is mine, it is blessed and I love it.

If not you....then who?

I struggle every day with the title of this post.  IF NOT YOU, THEN WHO?  I think of this sweet sweet baby girl in Ghana that because of her title of "special needs" nobody has stepped out in faith to make her theirs.  It continues to replay over and over and over in my mind all day...If NOT ME, THEN WHO?  I know, in order to be fair to Sadie (and the older three kids) and to this precious girl, our family is not the right place for her.  She needs all same indvidualized attention we give to Sadie all to herself.  But if not US...then WHO? 

Being thru three seperate adoptions...I KNOW first hand that they are scary.  Being thru a special needs adoption, I know how hard the "what will people think" feeling is like.  Having a special needs child is not easy.  But friends, the Lord does not call us to a life of EASY!  He WANTS us to be challenged!  He WANTS us to be uncomfortable!  In those times do we grow in HIM.  He does not bless us with so much just to sit on our couches and enjoy all the blessings He has given to us!  NO!  We are to be His HANDS.  We are to be His FEET!  The best way we can do this is by getting uncomfortable and stepping out in faith in ways to many seem CRAZY....but all for the Glory of GOD and the babies (especially the difficult ones) He has placed on this earth!

This sweet AMAZING baby has been on my heart since leaving Ghana weeks ago.  She needs a family like no other.  No...she DESERVES a family like no other.  I have been given the permission by the orphanage director to advocate for her forever family.  We have prayed and prayed over her.

If you have considered adoption...consider this child.  She is about 1 1/2 - 2 years old and just beautiful.  She needs a family that is first and foremost committed to Christ and His plan.  This child will ONLY go to a Christian family.  It is preferred for the family to have a homestudy completed, or one that is ready to move forward quickly.  This will be an independent adoption and should role quickly because of her health.  I will share privately with you answers to any of your questions.  Please call (616) 340-3503 or e-mail me at audreyb74@altelco.net specific questions. 

This baby girl has so much potential, just needs to right forever family to give her all the tools.  An incentive???  I will forever be part of your life! ;)  I will follow this baby girl forever and do anything in my power to help her and her family along.

Who does that!?

So, I have been "down and out" since coming home from Ghana.  When I got back I had one day of pure crazy adrenaline and excitement for all that happened....then for the next week I was down with a terrible "bug".  Now I have been spending the past few days recovering from a Hysterectomy.  It has been challenging being forced to rest and "be still".

One part of my trip that I just stand in awe of, was the meeting of Dr. Yaa.  I will have to explain the back story.

Our Princess Sadie was born at 34 weeks in Ghana as a result of a failed abortion.  Praise God that He had purpose for her life and gave her breath on that day.  However, her trials only began.   Children born like Sadie in countries like Ghana are not valued, nor do they have the resources available to properly care for them.  It is not unheard of for children like this to be placed in dumpsters or left in a corner to die.  When we tell people of Sadie's life, we chronicle it by miracles, as she is just that.  The first miracle in her life was that she was born ALIVE.  The second miracle, we have always said was Dr. Yaa.  See, Dr. Yaa not only advocated for Sadie's life, but also had her family pay for a large portion of her care (if not all) while spending the first 8 - 9 months in the hospital and had her first shunt surgery.

Sadie has been blessed with many mothers to love her forever, and I think of Dr. Yaa as her first. 

 

When I arrived at City of Refuge on Wednesday, while in Ghana, Stacy told me then that she had a surprise for me the following day.  Number one, majority of you know that I cannot stand surprises and that the suspense of them generally eats away at me.  I also could not even imagine what in the world they could surprise me with!  I was blessed to be visiting at the same time some members from YGAP were there.  YGAP is an amazing organization from Australia that supports City of Refuge.  So, a meeting had been arranged for the group of YGAP, along with Johnbull and Stacy from City of Refuge, to meet with the head doctor at a Women's Clinic in a town nearby.  The purpose of the meeting was to discuss the possibility of a future Women's Clinic at City of Refuge with the assistance of YGAP.  The ministry of City of Refuge will never cease to AMAZE me!!  (Here is a "teaser" for you...keep an eye open on how you can help City of Refuge too!)

 

So, I think that this is pretty cool and have no clue what is in store for me until I reach this office room that we are going to meet with and Stacy comes walking out with a beautiful woman who looks only slightly familiar to me, and introduces me to Dr. Yaa!!!

 

Never, ever in a million years....I have e-mailed this amazing lady on the other side of the world and have had back/forth correspondence with her.  In writing, I have thanked her from the depth of my heart for what she has done for this miracle child.  But never, ever did I ever think I would be blessed with the opportunity to meet her in person.

 

 

Tears were shed by us both.  Well, weeping actually.

 

I knew that going to Ghana was in many ways going to be "therapeutic" for me, but I never imagined what all the Lord had planned for me while there.

 

I am still in shock and amazement.  If you take a step back and you see how God had knitted that planned meeting for us...2 1/2 years ago.  It wasn't by "chance" that I just "happened" to book my trip at the time my friend's were going...and that "ironically" this group YGAP just decided to be there as well and just thought of the idea of a women's clinic and this meeting with Dr. Yaa's father just "coincidentally" fell during my time with City of Refuge.

 

Who does that?!  Who could possibly orchestrate the most perfect plan like that?  My God, that's who! 

 

This is just the beginning.  The Lord moved so many things in my heart in that very fast week, just listening to His will and His direction on what I can do next.....



Back to Blogging....

FOUR YEARS!!! 

I have been feeling the nudge to go back to blogging for quite some time.  I found that facebook has taken over the way of updating and keeping people posted on what is going on in life.

However, because I generally have a lot to say, I feel like maybe blogging would be a better option.

I was a bit surprised that four years have gone by since i last blogged. Wow has our family changed.

I am not going to bore you with the details of all that has happened in the past four years, but more looking ahead at the exciting things in store for the future.

Since returning from Ghana last Monday I have been in bed sick pretty much the entire time.  Very frustrating. However, it has given me time to reflect and process all I have seen and experienced while in Ghana. There are very exciting things coming up and ways for you all to get involved too!  Looking foward to rolling ahead with new ideas how to serve my God and care for the orphans.

Please feel free to share this blog with others. 

Our family looks much different from when it did four years ago.  So, here is an updated pic....