Getting past the "WAH!! the BLAH!!! and the @#**$&!!"

Last night, when I first sat down and started this post, it went a little something like this;

WAH!!!!

 

AND

BLAH!!!

 

 

Then I sat down this morning and felt refreshed; renewed.

 

All the kids were up and getting ready for school.  I fed Sadie and gave her her morning meds (all 9 of them).  All the kids very orderly got their stuff on while I ran upstairs.  They got themselves in the car (when I say "all kids" and "themselves", I am referring to Ryleigh, Kobe, Nathan and the 3 year old twins I watch a few days a week).  While I am upstairs I hear it again...that awful sound of Sadie coughing...turning to wreching...turning to puking. 

 

My new post wanted to start something like this;

 

&*%#@!!!

 

AND

 

^%$)#(@*#$$()%*$!!!

 

 

Instead, I am choosing to start with this;

 

"Give yourself fully to the adventure of today.  Walk boldly along the path of Life, relying on your ever-present Companion.  You have every reason to be confident because My Presence accompanies you all the days of your life-and onward to eternity.....Fix your eyes on Me, the Author and Perfecter of your faith, and many difficulties on the road ahead will vanish before you reach them.....remember that I am holding you by your right hand.  Nothing can separate you from My Presence!" - Jesus Calling, Sarah Young.

 

I could sit here and write to you all the frustrations I have felt and experienced this week.  I could tell you how badly my feelings have been hurt by total strangers and list all the frustrations I have with people who I thought "got it" when it came to Sadie.  (well, I guess I did just tell you a bit about it, but I will spare you intimate details). 

 

What I will share with you is that I feel like I dipped my toe into the water of discontent and it took all but a half a second for the devil to grab me by my ankle and before I knew it, I was waist deep.  Isn't that just how the devil works?  He has plagued many of my thoughts this week and fought hard to take away my joys.  He is sneaky like that and how quickly it snowballed.  It was ugly.  I was snappy at the kids and Nick.  I felt physically tired.  I was frustrated at just about everybody and just-plain-tired...of everything.

 

I know I have to allow myself "moments".  The grieving process of special needs is life long.  There are constant reminders of mile stones that have not been, and probably will not be met.  There are looks and comments from friends and strangers that sting. There is almost constant worry...about EVERYTHING.  I have been told by many that those "moments" are ok to have and have been told that they are "healthy", but instead of giving the devil my toe, I need to remember to put those to prayer.  I have reached out to a few friends as well to pray for me during these moments.  Because I am such a stubborn independent person, I like to think that I am big enough to handle these "moments", but really, in those moments I think is when I need to be big enough to ask for help.

 

I also need to keep in the forefront the positives and those are the things I DO want to share with you, in detail!

 

Yesterday we reviewed Sadie's goals in therapy and the therapist agrees that she has met and exceeded each goal!!  Just reminds me that our work with her pays off.  I think sometimes people wonder what I do all day with her (even Nick) and what you may not realize is...we work.  We stretch muscles and joints (especially ankles, knees and hips). We work on head control, neck strength and trunk control like there is no tomorrow. 

 

Sadie continues to play peek-a-boo with us, which just makes my heart soar!  Such an infant game to play, I know, but such a HUGE testimony to some cognitive understanding!

 

She is forward facing in the car now and LOVES it!  I will admit it is very distracting to me driving when she and I are "jamming" to the music way loud.  I love to watch her smile to the music.  I get teary eyed each time.  It will never get old.

 

Ryleigh, Kobe and Nate all came home with amazing report cards a few weeks ago.  I nearly cried over Parent/Teacher Conferences last night. Our kids have the most amazing teachers, backed by the most wonderful school. Truly blessed and thankful they are there.  Not only am I thankful for the academic process by all, but reading the report Kobe's teacher gave us about Kobe's "hero".  Kobe wrote all about the reasons why Jesus was his hero.  And Ryleigh's teacher talking about the growth in confidence Ryleigh has had so far this year (and we see it too) and Nathan's teacher talking about his bright personality and how he is loved by his class.  

 

How could I have ALL of this, and dare allow myself feel angry about anything else?? 

 

You will probably never hear me say that today was an "easy" day....as truthfully, there is not one day for us that is "easy".  But, I will say that each day is full of blessings...if you choose to look and listen for them.  It is easy to point out all the crap.  That is what the devil wants us to do....But I urge you to look past the crap you will find an abundance of overflowing blessings and THAT is where our focus needs to stay!!

Fundraiser Update!!

 

Today is the official 1/2 way mark!

 

Here are some fun/interesting facts:

 

As far as we can tell, donations have come from 23 different cities within Michigan!  24 different states within the US! 4 Different countries in the WORLD!!

 

Sadie's story has been viewed/read over 10,300 times and in 10 different countries!

 

Over 9,000 people have been "invited" via Facebook to participate in this "event"!

 

We are blown away by the fact that today you all have helped raise; $5,474.62!!!

 

You are AMAZING!! 

 

Please, feel free to share Sadie's story with any you feel may benefit from hearing it!!

 

http://www.beutebunch.blogspot.com/2013/01/online-donation-for-sadies-chariot.html