Lots of Processing!

So, life is about to change.  And where you may think these changes are really no big thing...the closer we get to them, the more we realize that these are HUGE and SIGNIFICANT changes!

I'll start with van shopping;

Nick and I went out and looked at our first Wheel Chair Accessible van.  This is unavoidable.  It is something we have to do.  It is not necessarily a choice, but something that our current family situation "mandates" for us.  And maybe that is why I so badly want to reject it.  In the past I use to LOVE car shopping.  Seriously LOVED it.  I remember at times Nick and I would just drive thru car lots for fun.  People who know me, know I have gone thru my fair share of cars too. 

This definitely had a different "feel" about it.  It wasn't like buying our current SUV, where we were excited because our family was growing and we needed something bigger to accommodate it.  Or the SUV before that...the one I was SO excited to get because I felt like we "graduated" out of our Minivan!  Or the Minivan that I was really excited to get because our family was growing again and that is what I needed.  A step up from my car.  Nope, was more a feeling of this is what we HAVE to do, because this is what our life is about.  And not that this is bad, but it's just different. 

We hate the fact that finding a van (any size...mini van or full size) that can seat MORE than 6 is hard to come by.  We are making NO ANNOUNCEMENT that we are expanding our family.  But, it does make you feel locked down to a number or "finality" with only having room for 6...our current family size.  Or even going away with our kids' friends...can't do it. It sounds ridiculous that we have to contemplate taking two cars if we ever grow our family or have a friend come with us anywhere.

I was over the moon excited yesterday when we found a full size van that use to be a 15 passenger that had been modified with a lift.  This thing still had seating for 11 + a wheelchair and lift!!  It looked PERFECT online!  The price was spot on in a range we could manage.  So, despite the "cloud" over us of having to make such a purchase or go shop for this item, we were very excited about this find.

What a let down when we got there to only find that it was trashed.  Just junk on the inside.  It was clear within minutes that this was not a vehicle for us.  We drove home with little words.  We talked a bit about expectations for a van.  But, overall the car ride home was pretty silent.  I think both Nick and I coming to and understanding that this will be a very expensive purchase...that we don't really want to have to do.


Today was our tour of Sadie's school.  In April, after spring break, Sadie will be going to Ottawa Area Center for school.  WOW.  This is an entire different thing to adjust to.  Never did I send any of our other kids to school at 3 years old.  Let alone but them on the bus.  Our older kids today hate riding the bus.  Why would I want to put my 3 year old on a bus.  However, everyone I talk to has told me that this is best for her.  I have to remember that she isn't "normal" and therefore requires us to be out of the box (dare I say "abnormal") in our thinking.  So, I will be sending my sweet baby girl at 3 years old, in her wheelchair, on a bus to school everyday.  Seriously, tearing up as I type this now.

Ottawa Area Center...is AMAZING.  Truly.  All the staff that they have is awesome!  Nearly every one we came across already knew Sadie. They have a pool! She will go swimming every Friday! They have gym every Tuesday.  They have Licorice...a mechanical horse that she will ride.  All the tools that they have for her and the programs that they have that she will do...I can't wait to watch her grow and develop even more!  But, you know what else is AMAZING?  DeVos Children's Hospital.  But nobody WANTS to bring their kids there.  So even though we have this AMAZING resource available to us, we don't get excited about going there or bringing our child there.  Nobody wants to say "Someday my child gets to go to OAISD!".  I guess I was not expecting to feel the emotions I did when I was walking thru there.  Parts of me were looking at all the other kids and thinking, "That's not Sadie"...but reality is, yes, that is Sadie (yup, more tears).

That is when I have to remind myself that God made Sadie by His perfect design and plan and therefore, she IS perfect.

I think some of this is also scary because for the past 18 months my identity has changed from being the working mom of three awesome kids to stay at home, special needs mom of  4 kids (all still awesome!).  As I was walking around the school today I found myself asking if mom's ever volunteer here.  My mind is already wondering what I am going to do when Sadie is in school.  I have never been "alone".  I don't desire it.  I don't like it.  I don't want it.  When I was expressing to the teacher (with Nick there) I said I just can't quite figure out what I will do when she's at school and I hear Nick behind me "how bout take a break".  But when I spend 13 hours a day (mostly holding or in physical contact with her in someway) I feel like I am almost loosing an extension of myself...an appendage.  How do you let go? I know it will be good for me.  It's good for her.  It will allow me to be more involved at ACS and volunteering there and being available for the other kids.  I will still have the twins for the rest of this year a few days a week....and it is only 1/2 days for Sadie to start.  My time will be filled quickly.  Just hard to wrap my mind around.

So, lots of changes coming up.  Lots of changes coming all at one time.  Lots of "processing" going on.  Lots of things to accept. 

Prayers would be great!!

Fundraiser update!

As we are winding down on the month of February the fundraiser winds down as well.  This has been an amazing experience and we are so blessed by all of the support we have received (not just financially, but all of the cards and encouragement as well).  I have not looked recently and am going to refrain from looking until March 1st. So, I will update you all with final totals on March 1! :)  We would love that if you haven't "shared" the event on facebook or the link to this blog, to please consider doing so!  Otherwise, Sadie's Chariot Fundraiser Event Page will be updated with the Grand Total on March 1 as well as the blog here!!